A murder story of a top journalist in Kenya, who is behind bars after being caught up in a murder case committed by her lover is really saddening. A man who has reportedly been abusive, overprotective and constantly insecure about the status of the journalist finally confirms the fears her friends had expressed but she was too dumb in love to listen to ‘other people’ .
The man posed as a high end security guard but never identified himself with any official company. He didn’t have anything to his name, not even a bathroom to answer nature calls necessary for survival. Mysterious stories, shady deals and restless spirit was written all over his life. But ‘she loved him’.
The fateful day, he went and picked up another female friend from the airport, using his girlfriend’s car. He took her to her place in one of the leafy surbubs and had sex with her, leaving his DNA all over her body. He then turned into a beast and mercilessly slit open her throat from the left ear to the right ear, leaving her in the bath tub bleeding to death. He stole all her money plus the purse and escaped unnoticably from the neighborhood. He went home and left the handbag in his girlfriend’s house. He then short himself to cover up and the loyal girlfriend set out to cover his tracks, took his clothes and burnt them, because he loved him. Now she’s in prison for aiding murder.
This reminds me of a shocking experience I had months ago when my good friend, Prisha, asked me to help her out reach out to some ladies from my country who could be interested in an event she was facilitating.
Prisha* is one of the youngest female professors of Asian decent in Software Engineering field. She lectures at a leading university in South Africa. The team she leads was largely involved in organising a Royal Engineering summit in Kenya.
This was her first visit to Nairobi. They had just concluded a crisis meeting two days before the event when she called me,
“Danstan, I need a big favor,” she proceeded in an anxious tone, “we have less than 10% of ladies who have registered for the event. The ambassador needs at least 40% of attendees to be ladies even if it means extending the venue. Would you help us get more ladies from accross all campuses in Kenya?”
Several names of potential ladies we considered able to mobilise more ladies popped up in my mind. I agreed to help. Based on my judgement, they presented good aspects of leadership and would greatly benefit from all that the summit had to offer.
I drafted an official message requesting for their email so I could share the links for special registration and forward Prisha’s details incase they needed further clarification. Boom! I thought my work was done.
A minute later, I receive a message saying, “I can’t talk to you, my boyfriend doesn’t allow me to talk to other men.”
This text blew my mind. I got so mad that my hair stood. Sweat tingles started popping all over my body. My hands starte shaking. It got even worse when I asked whether this was forceful; she said it wasn’t. She is okay with all restrictions the boyfriend sets for her even if it means giving up her basic need for community to influence her general growth as a human.
Well first, “I deeply apologize if I look interested in you, I am not. I even find this really offensive that you’d think I’d be interested in you!” But that’s besides the point. It just never occured to me that in this age, someone would think of themselves as disabled by virtue of being in a relationship. It has gone as far as relinquishing common sense and freedom of expression or interaction. It is sickening that one would be okay being a slave to master and not feel a tad bit of delirium! But she loved him.
It just dawned to me how wicked our society has become. We sexualise women to a point of enslaving them under caves of our needs. We treat them like we’d do a dog just giving commands and they taking commands in humility. It is sadder that some of them have accepted this malady and live with it to appear ‘submissive’ and ‘wife-material’.
So nobody can interact with her because the first thought in her mind is licentious. She suspect you are making sexual advances. She won’t think if a possibility of an intention to engage her intellectually or professionally. When anyone reaches out to her, thats a threat. If it is man, he is interested in her. And if it is a lady, she is a hater.
This is disturbing.
Ladies, Because you didn’t want to lose him, you lost yourself in the process. You became a girl who kept being mistreated and you formed a habit of saying “I’m used to it”. You became a girl who kept being unappreciated and you began to tell yourself “It’s okay”. You became a girl who kept being undervalued and you learned how to say “I’m fine”. You became a girl who kept being put last and you naturally reacted with “It’s whatever”.
You became a girl who kept being taken for granted and you dealt with it by repeating “Everything’s okay”. You became a girl who kept being unhappy and you regularly told people “I’m gonna be fine”.
And if you’re reading this right now, then you need to understand that no guy is worth losing yourself for, no guy is worth suffering for at the expense of your happiness, and no guy is worth tormenting yourself over for the sake of making him happy. At this point, perhaps losing him is the only way you’d be able to get yourself back. As much as you wouldn’t want this to be true, he’s the only thing that’s in your way of finding yourself and he’s the only reason you’ve lost yourself for so long.
The sad bit about losing yourself for a guy is living to impress them all your youthful, only to lose him to a woman who protected her identity, stood for her values and made the world adjust to her reality. Or lose your life an end up in such despicable places as jail. But she loves him. To read more posts by Danstan, click HERE