On ‘IF I WERE A GIRL’ By Mitchell Odhiambo

If I were a girl; Hewoo!!!. All men south of Sahara and North of Limpopo would be gasping for their breath, let me...


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If I were a girl; Hewoo!!!. All men south of Sahara and North of Limpopo would be gasping for their breath, let me tell you. Heads would be clocking left and right everywhere I walk.  Well, at least I think but the question is, could I handle being a woman really?

I have tonnes of respect for girls. Imagine stepping out and every dude on the street corner wants your tel number? The hell!  How do you even handle that? I would be carving them boys that I know for sure. I’d be memorizing the witchdoctors numbers (“Mganga Kutoka Tanzania”); those who treat love, poverty, break ups and volunteering this contact to all men profiteers who want my contact and just laugh all evening at all the men who dialled witch doctors.

I think I’d also be cleaner than I presently am; that I know without a doubt. I’d have to organize my room, not repeat my clothes (sigh), sit with decorum and also, speak a lot. My goodness, it’s a full package. I am not sure I would survive. This task is not for the mean spirited like me

Would I be able to go shopping and spend 5 hours with other girls talking and continue talking all evening until my larynx is tired. I don’t think so. Perhaps I’d be a snob. I cannot imagine myself not speaking to my girls because I was upset. I would want to forgive them quickly or get very angry then laugh over it and move on swiftly. 

I’d probably be in jail for shooting all the men that would want to touch my body without my consent. I’d print T-shirts that read “Touch me and you’re going down” on the front and “Say Hello to my attorney” on the back. I don’t even know if there are alternative ways to handle this. 

Perhaps my social media would be buzzing. I’d post silly things like “Hey” and get 300 Likes and 240 comments. Being a girl is a very different experience I bet, and I have nothing but respect for all the women out there. 

Until we speak again, I am your host Mitchell Odhiambo. Welcome to a man’s world.  Check out my colleague Mercy’s post titled: If I were a boy.  Click HERE 

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