WHERE DO WE DRAW THE BOUNDARY LINES? By Lillian Sudi

WHERE DO WE DRAW THE BOUNDARY LINES? What rule stipulates as to how much to let your spouse in to...


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WHERE DO WE DRAW THE BOUNDARY LINES?

What rule stipulates as to how much to let your spouse in to your personal affairs? I mean, is it okay to give your spouse your password? Should you casually let them peruse through your phone and even perhaps reply some of your texts? Is it okay for the person you are dating to have the keys to your house and show up whenever they want, sleeping over and leaving their items all over your house? What about money matters? Where do we draw the boundary lines with our spouses?

A friend of mine had a boyfriend who would randomly ask for her phone to do a thorough check on who she had been talking to. I found that extreme and baseless.  I believe that if anyone wanted to cheat he/she would go ahead and do it efficiently, clearing up any incriminating evidence that sufficed, so all he was doing was making her a better cheat by teaching her how to clear her evidence effectively – that is, if she was cheating at all, that is. When it gets to the point where you feel the need to constantly play detective with your spouse then the relationship is already dysfunctional. It is okay to know the password or the phone pattern but not with the aim of investigating. Such information comes in handy when you genuinely need to use the phone for one reason or another.

Marking the territory is also a sign that things are plainly not headed to a rosy field. Why? If your relationship was rock solid then what is the need of constantly telling the world that this particular human being is
taken? If he/she does not act like they are taken and you feel the need to drive the point home to those who failed to get the memo, then the relationship itself has very little meaning already.

Bank accounts might be a bit tricky though. This one I am not exactly sure about being open about because it might actually depend on the two of you. Some people very easily share their financial information with their spouse while others choose not to for security reasons. The man/woman might be irresponsible and conveniently keep withdrawing all the money from the bank the moment you deposit because to them, everything is an emergency. All in all, I can’t emphasize this enough “A relationship without trust is meaningless”,  therefore even in the situation that you both keep separate bank accounts, it is good to have a clear picture of what your spouse is earning, what he is spending, saving, and what he is investing.

What you think about drawing the boundary in relationships? To get a male perspective on this, please click HERE to read my colleague Mitchell’s post. 

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