On ‘Forcing a Commitment’
Well I had a friend, let’s call her Monica for this article. She was in a relationship but the man didn’t seem in a hurry to tie the knot with her.
She started with the classic leave your earrings behind today, your toothbrush the following week, a pair of shoes the week after… until she managed to move in. She dropped infinite hints for him to pop the big question, all to no avail.
Time was already far spent, her family kept grilling her with questions about when she would become a Mrs. Anyone and, as time went by, she became desperate to cement her relationship. She got off the pill and to what ended up as being a surprise only to her spouse, she conceived. She told me she was tired of the pill, it was making her fat and…well…I totally get that. However, the point she was trying to drive across was that it was not her fault…she didn’t want a baby and despite the fact that I can neither agree nor disagree with that claim, I believe she should have at least told her spouse about her decision to go off the pill. It is her body, he would have understood.
Putting aside all bias, it is quite accurate to say that the woman still has more power over the process of conception than the man does because at the end of the day, it all happens in her body. But what do I know? We all stoop to our lowest in the midst of desperation. Either way, the milk spill was all over the floor already and none of that mattered anymore.
Moving on swiftly, his parents were principled old folk and wouldn’t let their grandchild be delivered outside of wedlock so they arranged for a speedy wedding; as luck would have it (or so it seemed), things seemed to be falling right into place. However, fast forward a few years later and they are now divorced and he now has another family.
This is a mistake many women make. When things don’t seem concrete. We cannot help but take matters into our own hands. But look at it this way, even people who generally marry out of pure love, often feel the strain when kids come into the picture so what are the odds then, of the situation getting better if/when the marriage is out of obligation and obligation alone?
One thing my wise aunty told me in my teenage years was that a man can tell from the first few minutes of meeting you, whether he wants to end up with you…unlike women, coercion will not get you far with men. If he is not ready to commit take it as it is, find someone who wants to invest his time on you. You expect birds in the park to flock around you when you pour grains for them to feed on but that does not mean they want to stay with you. Once they are satisfied they will all fly away. Some will even take a dump on your head while at it.
If you expect more out of a relationship than the other party is willing to give, walk away with your dignity still intact. Life is too short. Wishing you all, a fun filled weekend, from Sudi. To get a male perspective on this, please Click HERE to read the views of my colleague, Mitchell Odhaimbo
