‘Wrest In Peace’ By Danstan Wasobokha
Sometimes I look back at the girls I have spent money on instead of sending it to my mum, then I realize witchcraft is real!
A million compliments from me is nothing compared to one compliment from your so called BFF. You reserve all the rights to talk to fifty three male friends but I should NEVER receive a Hi from any lady. Just because you saw that text from a childhood friend asking how I am doing these days gives you the right to explode and accuse me of flirting with that xxxxxx. You hold it against me forever, reminding me every time about how my ‘xxxxxx’ are doing. Yours are ‘Just good friends’ who care about you, but my female friends are described in insulting language!
I do 99% well but you keep nagging me over the 1% ‘wrong’! You believe it is your right to get something from me, so you don’t ever appreciate any favors anymore. But you are always alert, waiting for that one time when I fail to do it, so you may blow up and give me a record of sins I have ever committed even before I was conceived in my mother’s womb.
You keep whining over a dream you had; of my affair with a stranger friend of yours whom I don’t even know. Or that lady friend of mine, the one I smiled at in church, two years before I started chasing you. You’ve been telling me ever since how she is a hypocrite, like I care! I have never asked you anything about her but you never forget to remind me what she is or what she is not, every other weekend.
You need your private time, you say. You have a life, you say. You want to go out with your friends, you say. But I should never ask for timeout with my boys. I don’t give you enough time, you say. I am the worst man ever, you say; because I tried to defend myself when you accused me falsely. I am a man after all. I should take in everything like a man you know. I am a rock. I don’t have emotions right? Yeah! And even when you are wrong, I should apologize my love. How foolish of me to forget this baby, I am sorry!
You need to get your hair done, you say. You need the latest trending clothes, ohh and an ‘iPhone that’ is never specified because you keep changing, pointing to a new model after buying the previous one. I must post on my wall that you are my woman crush every Wednesday and use your picture as my profile picture, if I love you. But yeah of course I understand you can’t use mine because you don’t want your ‘parents’ to raise eye-brows. And definitely because I don’t look stylish, my dressing isn’t as classy as yours or one of your infinite ex-boyfriends. I should up my game right? All these, and much more, I have faithfully delivered. What am I there for anyway? And what type of a man has such a phone, Samsung C113! No man! I manufactured it myself baby. No lady can take such a man, you say, you are just doing me a favor. Awww thank you honey! So kind of you.
I am sorry I am a …”broke man!” because I paid your advance rent for six months, not a whole year as you demanded. I am sorry, I don’t even drive, yet I am always complaining that I don’t have cash just because I bought you something ‘small’. I am sorry I don’t take you out on expensive dates three times a week like your BFF used to do to his ex-girlfriend, according to what he tells you. I am sorry I don’t even prepare nice meals like Quincy, your 13th sorry 17th ex-boyfriend used to. I don’t even have a six-pack, cubes, and muscles like Bruce your other ex. I am not even tall, dark nor handsome, like that dude you had a fling with some time ago while on holiday with Rey, your campus crush, with whom you then had a little disagreement. Yet I stand before you claiming to be a man! Hahaha how foolish of me!
Now you have blocked me on all social media. You have moved to a ‘politician friend’ of yours because he is ready to pour millions for your dowry. You have gone silent on me because I am not able to pay ten million dowry to your parents within the next three months. Instead, I can only afford twenty cows worth 2 million. You walked away because you felt like he was better than me. But what you have never asked is where he is getting his money. What I am giving is my life savings ever since I was a teenager.
Yes! Indeed I should pay much more for your experience. You need a financially stable man who earns a six figure salary, lives in a leafy suburb, drives a porsche 911, has a polished accent to match your “AmBritPortNig” accent(combination of a mixture of American, British, Portuguese and Nigerian). Precisely, that fake Nairobian accent. He is your Mr. Right. I am sure that man was dreaming about someone with exact qualities as you sweetheart. You, his Mrs. Right. But for me, a mere village boy, son of a peasant farmer, I would like to share with you an excerpt from my all-time favorite books.
‘When the hunters learnt to shoot without missing, the birds learnt to fly without perching. When the center does not hold, Things Fall Apart!’
I stopped calling people who don’t call me. I stopped visiting people who don’t know where I live. I stopped making time for people who don’t have time for me. I stopped thinking about people who don’t think about me. I no longer drive myself to emotional bankruptcy. I can love someone from a distance and not just about romantic relationships but all relationships; friendly, family, girlfriends. I treat people the way they treat me. I stopped over exerting myself and giving love where it is not returned. Life is difficult enough without having to beg people for their love and attention. The least I can do is surround myself with people who genuinely love and care about me. Most importantly I surround myself with people that don’t see me as an option. There is nothing worse than people who treat you like you are replaceable.
I am not afraid of my truth anymore, I will not omit pieces of me to make you feel comfortable. Love me for who I am or not at all. I am who I am. My value does not decrease based on your inability to recognize my worth. Decide if you want to be part of my history or part of my future. But wait honey, it’s not you to decide. Today my word is final.
Maybe we’ll meet again, when we are slightly older and our mind is less hectic, and I’ll be right for you and you’ll be right for me. But right now, I am chaos to your thoughts and you are poison to my heart.
May your folly ohh my Love, Wrest in peace! Amen.