On Being Designated to ‘THE FRIEND ZONE’
“Let’s Just Be Friends”
Four words no one ever wants to hear from the object of their heart’s affection but which, unfortunately we all will. And by all, ladies and gents, I mean all.
Popular belief seems to make ‘friendzoning’ a woman’s only affair, but I kid you not, women get friendzoned by men too! I should know, I’ve been there.
Let me share my own story of lovelorn woe. A friend of mine (let us call her M because she will end me if she knew I wrote about her), had a friend whom we shall refer to as J. I met J at a party M was hosting and truth be told, we did not hit it off immediately. He was, well, unremarkable at first sight but we got talking and by the time I was leaving, I was head over heels. He was smart, he made me laugh, we shared a love for 90s Brit rock and roots reggae and best of all, he had dimples! I had found the one.
We kept in touch and we got closer and closer and I was in romance bliss, the likes of which even Romeo and Juliet, couldn’t imagine. Until the day he introduced me as ‘the little sister he never had’.
Cue the violins.
That being said, I do not think the friend zone is pure evil as some do. I think it is a fact of life, you love and you lose. How you handle it is what matters. We all have to learn to handle rejection. You can either cut your losses and move on or accept to be friends. Friendships are very fulfilling and often last longer than relationships. I am a little disturbed by how a lot of guys handle it. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard guys use unprintable words to refer to a woman who just the previous week was ‘bae’. I will admit, some people take advantage of generosity and will milk all they can out of it, but some are genuinely not at fault.
A little advice, gents, if you want to buy her jewelry and take her out to lavish lunches do so because you want to, not because you view it as an ‘investment’. To blame her for using you when you of your own volition chose to buy the moon and stars for her is unfair and sexist. It is not her fault that she doesn’t like you that way so please, handle your disappointment with dignity.
And ladies, I will echo what my colleague, Mitchell from ‘The Male Perspective’ says ‘if a dude doesn’t fit the profile, let him go’. Leading him on is just bad manners.
It’s been lovely talking to you, I’m Yvonne Tamba. Check out the Male Perspective on this topic, by my colleague, Mitchell Odhiambo. Click Here