FEMALE PERSPECTIVE – SHOULD YOU REMAIN FRIENDS WITH AN EX? By Lucy Ngigi

Once a relationship ends, it is hard to know where or how  your ex fits into your life - is he your new BFF or ...


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Once a relationship ends, it is hard to know where or how  your ex fits into your life – is he your new BFF or  simply someone you reconnect with every now and then?

Since women these days are waiting longer before getting hitched, chances are, you’ve racked up a bevy of old bf’s and unfortunately, some are harder to get over than others.  To keep your life moving in a healthy direction, you need to determine exactly where an ex fits into your life, or he will continue to affect you and your future relationships. So, should an ex continue to be part of your life or, should you kick him to the kerb for good? 

It is possible to be ‘just friends’ with an ex, especially if the relationship was mostly platonic anyway,  even if a romance loses its spark, you can still enjoy each other’s company, however, make sure you are not shutting out any prospects that pop up.  Remember ex’s are tricky, even if you don’t want to date him, you may wonder why he’s not into you, which may ultimately hurt your self-esteem.

Hold on to him as a friend if…  

  • Even while you were together, the relationship always felt more brother-and-sister than hot and heavy.
  • You have no problem hearing about his new girlfriend(s) and would consider setting him up with one of your friends.
  • He’s a great friend to everybody in his life.  You know you can talk about anything with him.
  • You care enough to keep in touch, but you don’t need to hear about his daily life.
  • He has something to offer like stock tips, career connections or cool friends that you’d rather not lose forever.
  • You get an occasional pang of regret about the breakup, but after seeing him, it’s clear why he was Mr Not Quite Right.

Relationships rarely end well, but sometimes they end amicably enough that you can afford to keep the guy in your life although in a semi-detached way.  Because you’re not involved in each other’s lives, you can get some distance from your feelings and start to regard him as a person, rather than an ex who only inspires heartache.

Think of him as a remote, non-threating reminder of what you want and don’t want, which will enable you to home in on qualities you need in a new guy and, since your feelings are nonexistent, you can catch up over dinner or call him for job leads without doing any emotional damage.

To get a male perspective on this, please click link to read my colleague, Mitchell’s perspective – http://goo.gl/UdWDHy

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