‘BUILDING GREATER COMMUNICATION SKILLS’ By Mitchell Odhiambo

Communication is the lifeblood of every relationship we get into. It is important that we beget environments that encourage people to express their opinions and...


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Communication is the lifeblood of every relationship we get into. It is important that we beget environments that encourage people to express their opinions and make them feel their opinions are heard and appreciated. I will use this article to document some of the interesting lessons I learnt during pre-marital classes.

“Dr. Emerson uses colours to help us understand the communication code better. He explains that women generally speak, think and hear in pink, while men speak, think and hear in blue. This is why ladies and men tend to agree with their own gender when issues arise; they are able to quickly identify with that perspective because it makes sense to them. Women wearing pink glasses and pink hearing aids defend the sisterhood, because men are just so insensitive and indifferent. Men wearing blue gather together in their male code perspective saying women are oversensitive and too emotional. If neither understands this difference, then neither will be able to meet the fundamental needs of the other.

To highlight key areas to develop skills:

  • Examine your Tone of Voice –  calm controlled VS harsh, uncontrolled; stay steady, a gentle answer turns away wrath
  • Watch your Body Language – stance, eyes, hands, show openness not resistance or aggravation
  • Ask Helpful Questions – find out VS Assumptions; seek for understanding, asking your partner to explain
  • Show Empathy – get in the other’s shoes; try seeing things from their perspective
  • Be sensitive with your timing – Plan; make time at the right time for enough time
  • Avoid the No – No Words – ‘you always’, ‘you never’ and similar; don’t go overboard in expressing frustration
  • Avoid the No – No approach – judging the heart VS judging the action; You can discuss the action but let your partner explain why
  • Listening VS Hearing – Pay attention, concentrate; don’t miss their point while you are mentally building your point”

These are essential skills that need continuous practice to develop and I wish you all the best as you determine to implement them. To get a female perspective on this, check out Mercy’s post HERE

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