Has something ever caused you to change your whole perspective on almost everything you believed in?
Case in point, you are working to improve your productivity at your new job. You have adopted amazing productivity practices. Your days are filed with bursts of productivity that often blow you away. You are happy; you think you are unshakeable. Enter a curve ball. You wake up one day and things just don’t feel the same. You want to spend the whole day on social media. When you try to work, you keep getting distracted. You try a couple of times and you realize it just isn’t the same.
See, the sensible thing would be to write off that day as some down time. You see, downtime is normal, everyone has a day when they are not feeling quite themselves. However, we have a propensity to focus on the big things because our minds often ignore this minute crack and focus on everything else. It will convince you to uproot the whole tree because one leaf withered. So you break down all your plans. You convince yourself that you had been lying to yourself all this time. You probably hadn’t changed your habits. Then you go back to where you started, you regress to your earlier bad habits.
As people, we tend to beat ourselves up too much. When we fail, we tie ourselves to that failure. Say you say something silly once, instead of trying to weed out that one statement and distance yourself from it, you plant it in your being; you cultivate it and sit under its shade. You sit under its shade and refuse to bask in the light of self forgiveness. This does not only happen with ourselves. Say you have been in this amazing relationship. It is beautiful, it is nurturing, you have never been happier. The person treats you with respect, they put your needs above theirs and you are certain about how they feel about you. You also feel the same and you cannot believe your luck. One day however, they do something that wounds you. Say you have an event that is very important to you. You are looking forward to their presence. However, they don’t show up. You feel betrayed. You feel broken. Suddenly, you realize you have been lying to yourself. This person does not care about you, they never did. People who care about others would not behave the way this person did. So you go on a rampage, you break everything you ever built with this person, simply because of a small curve ball.
I know, it sounds absurd when you think about it. However, this is how our minds can be twisted. We tend to question the big things instead of the small things. We have sort of lost confidence in everything that we build. Our foundations are so weak that when a breeze comes, it blows away the walls that we hide behind. Imagine if we had confidence in the things that we built? How about the next time we fail, we deal with the failure instead of attaching everything that matters to us, to that failure? How about we decide that we are not our failures? How about we have so much confidence in people and our relationships that we question their actions as opposed to their feelings? I know this sounds scary to trust someone to that extent. However, living otherwise is barely living.
I promised myself a long time ago to throw myself into things. To fling myself fully such that when it hurts, it hurts so bad I think I will never be okay again. I know life can never be black and white, I will however, try my best to make mine black and white. If it’s ever black, I deal with the darkness. I mourn the darkness, I sit in its brokenness. Then when I am broken enough, I get up and allow the sun to shine through the cracks. To read more posts by Angela, click HERE