On ‘Rebound Relationships’
Mark, a friend of mine, ended things with Jane. The saying goes that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else…or so he told me. I recently came across this good read by Stephanie Swain on ‘Reasons Why Rebounding Is The Cruelest Thing Men Can Do To Women’. Here goes…
Let’s face it: We’ve all done it at least once. But why do we feel the need to rebound? Is it heartbreak or loneliness? Is it the fact that we can’t let go? Maybe we haven’t been on our own for months, years even, and we just aren’t all that interested in switching up our lifestyles now, thank you very much.
We all have our reasons, as well as our own ways to justify our actions. While women are notorious for rebounding in the forms of binge-partying, one-night stands and over-sharing on social media, men tend to take a different route altogether. Men make substitutions. It seems perfectly understandable. It’s just like a wrestling match: half of the team leaves the ring, you tag a new one in. After all, you need one
foot on the dock before you step out of the canoe, right? Wrong. So, so wrong.
The thing that men don’t understand is while they’ve spent that time filling the void, we spent that time falling — hard. It’s exciting, being pursued, thinking you’re the one in control. Only, one day you realize that was not the case, not at all. And, just like that, you’re deflated. Deflation is not a nice feeling to experience. So, why is rebounding the worst thing a man can do to a woman? Let us count the ways: Take a step back because from out here in the real world, it’s obvious how your new found relationship came to be. Try to justify it all you want; maybe you really did have a “huge crush” in high school that prompted you to suddenly want to try new things.
Maybe you really did want to try things earlier but, err, life got in the way. Whatever you need to tell yourself, just know that we all see what’s really happening. Let’s not forget about the ex-factor, dude. Sure, maybe she’s a soul-sucking demon sent from the depths of hell to make your life miserable. Maybe she crushed all of your hopes and dreams and sent you into a downward spiral of self-loathing. Maybe she ruined your life and your entire future. But chances are, she didn’t.
And, by jumping into another relationship faster than you put on your pants in the morning, you’re telling her that everything you went through as a couple meant nothing. You are basically telling her she is disposable. Let’s not burn all our bridges — we are adults, after all. Realistically, you probably dedicated a huge chunk of your would-have-been bro time to entertaining your lady. No shame in that — it’s natural for relationships to change your life’s dynamics a bit. You see your friends less, and you see her more. But now, the newly single you has the chance to get back to your old routine, get centered and reconnect. When you jump from one relationship to the next, you simply substitute one time filler for another. Not only is this annoying but it can also create the illusion that you are just straight-up avoiding your friends. Some may call this a successful transition, but the new girl’s friends won’t. Trust me, the rebound’s friends have done their research, and as cute as your New Year’s kiss pic with your ex may have been, the fact that it remained your profile picture until three days ago is utterly unimpressive.
Behind every great man, there is a supportive family. Behind every shady rebounder, there is a family secretly judging. Unless, of course, your family is the intervening type, in which case, there is a family openly judging. Ultimately, this screams bad news for your new girl. It is far too soon to be introducing a new relationship to your folks, especially if they were particularity fond of the last girl you brought around. You are basically setting your new boo up for a lifetime of comparison and cold shoulders.
But, let’s face it: You two won’t last a lifetime, anyway. Seriously, you don’t know how you’re feeling, and you’re not yet sure if you’re okay with losing what you had. Relationships, no matter how long or short they may have been, take a piece of you with them when they go. You just spent however long pouring your heart into another, allowing your significant other to consume your every waking thought, and ultimately, granting him or her control of your full range of emotions. Once you lose something so significant, you’re going to need some recovery time, whether you like it or not.
It happens; people get back together all the time. Maybe the time apart is just too much to bear or maybe, you really do need each other. However, if you have so quickly pursued another person during this time apart, there is now an additional heart on the line. This is something men don’t seem to understand in these situations; once you bring another woman into the equation, you create a double-edged sword.
So, what’s the next step? Often, men are quick to call it quits on the new pursuit to re-enter the relationship that didn’t work out in the first place. Sure, maybe you were “never even dating” so it’s not really a big deal. Right? Once again, wrong. You pursued the rebound and you made her feel wanted. You made her feel special. She was probably happy about that — excited, even. If you make up with your ex, prepare for your rebound be upset, as she has every right to be. You can tell her you didn’t mean to lead her on, but that’s exactly what you ended up doing. Because really, you have already gone through the paces of fully investing yourself in a relationship.
Ultimately, this is just a transfer of emotion from one object to another, whereas your new lady is blissfully floating through the early stages of a blossoming romance. It is not hard to fall quickly when being pursued — I speak from experience.
This is a big one. You don’t know what kind of past the rebound has had when it comes to romance. Maybe she’s the one who is all too often chosen as the subject of a rebound, only to be let down time and time again. Perhaps she has been hurt in the past, physically or emotionally, and she has just now chosen to open up again. Maybe she trusts you and she doesn’t really know why, because she has been so easily tossed aside in the past. Tread lightly, she may be damaged goods. No further explanation required.’ Taken from ‘Reasons Why Rebounding Is The Cruelest Thing Men Can Do To Women’ By Stephanie Swain
I honestly agree with Swain, after a relationship we all want to feel better and move on but any mature man will make peace discretely with his ex first before jumping ship. ” Your thoughts? To get a male perspective on this, please click HERE to read my colleague Mitch’s views