‘Should you reveal your net worth to your partner?’
Money, even outside of relationships, is a dicey topic and as a rule of thumb, we should not reveal how much money we have to anyone.
A woman’s money is an even tougher topic because this is something that didn’t even exist until quite recently. While most of the millennial generation’s mothers are career women, most of our grandmothers are/were not , so we do not have years and years of societal norms to guide us when it comes to the subject of our money in relationships. We are on our own with this one.
It is a question with an answer though, albeit wholly subjective and situation specific. I choose to approach it in three parts: Dating, Engaged and Married.
As a rule, in the initial stages of dating while you are just getting to know each other, don’t bring up money. How would that conversation even go?
‘So, Caro, what do you do?’
“I’m an accountant with an audit firm in town…they pay me 100,000 shillings a month, 75K after taxes. But I have a piece of land worth about 800k and land rates go up so that might hit the million mark soon, and being an only child, I’m going to inherit everything my parents own. What about you Kevin, what do you do?’
TMI, Caro. Too much information!
Serious relationships are a different matter altogether and where children are involved there is no way to avoid it.
You’ve said yes!
Yes to his hand, yes to his heart and yes to a share of all his possessions.
Because you plan to build a life together, you have to evaluate how much this life will cost you and how much each of you are able to contribute to your joint future. It might be a little too early to actually pool your assets but your conversation can start here. The amount of detail you go into is entirely up to you, you could decide to bare it all or you could decide to speak in very broad terms a la “I can contribute 40% of the total budget.” This is entirely up to you.
Now you’ve gone and done it. You’re married and there’s no more hiding. Honestly, the need to hide your finances is a warning sign that maybe this is not for you. Your married life depends on honesty and trust to be successful, and that includes transparency in your bank account.
Point is. Think long and hard before bringing up money. It is not a right or wrong morality question, more a question of when. Do it too early and it will be like getting intimate too early, too late and it might delay the process of building your future, not to mention making the foundation of your life very shaky. Do what feels right for the both of you. Till next week, stay frosty! Check out the Male Perspective on this topic written by my colleague, Mitchell, CLICK HERE