Female Perspective By Mercy Karumba – As a woman, what defines you more? Is it being a MOTHER/WIFE or, fulfilling the motherly/wifey roles? What does this mean? Do you define yourself more by who you are (the intimacy) or by what you do (the action)? In most cases, you will find that men tend to define themselves/their worth more by what they are accomplishing such as, the fact that they can provide for the family, protect them and so forth other than simply being a husband/father. Does this explain why it’s easier to find men managing more than one family as long as they can provide, while women tend to be keener on the intimacy of being a mother/wife that is, being present? I think it does.
It’s an interesting way to look at it, but it also explains a lot about why both genders behave the way they do. While a woman is excited and values being a fiancee, in most cases, this may not excite the fiance. While a woman gets her fulfillment in staying at home, spending quality time with the family; a man will get his fulfillment from providing; fixing bulbs; tending the garden/fence as this is what makes him feel worthy. This then begs the question, whereas achievement and fulfillment are important, what matters most when you are gone? Will your family miss the rent you paid and the school fees, or will the memories created mean more to them? Let’s remind the men in our lives to be more cognizant of what is important. Be sure to read my colleague’s male perspective on intimacy vs action below.
Male Perspective By Mitch Odhiambo – A man values being a doer, accomplishing a task over being present, while women value the title, identity, belonging far more than accomplishing a task e.g. a man is satisfied with being a provider while a woman values the intimacy of being a mother than the action itself. A man’s desire for bread is what keeps him going day by day. It gets him up in the morning and sends him into the field of life, in the hopes that he will reap the reward for his labour and bring back food to their family. This desire ought to be watched and tamed otherwise you may end up as an absentee father in your household. We are privy to incidences around us where men are sold to their ideals of work so much so, that they abandon their responsibilities at home.
Do not be an absentee father. Take care of your house my fellow man. Your family is more important. Take care of it and continue to fight for it and its dignity. You don’t need to realize this on your death bed. Take it from me now. I reckon in the home while the wife will enjoy spending time with the family, and enjoying meals, the man will also get delight in fixing the light bulbs, repairing the car, fixing the drainage, protecting the family, etc. So remarkable how differently wired we are. Until we speak again, I am your host Mitchell Odhiambo. Welcome to a man’s new world