As written previously, I have been on a journey trying to redefine what vulnerability means to me. As part of this quest, I started reading Rene Brown’s book, ‘Daring Greatly’. However, I felt some deep sense of disconnect from the book. The book was amazing and heart wrenching just as promised, yet I found my heart not being moved.
A few days ago, I decided to go through the author’s profile, see their face and probably meet this amazing author. This is when I came across one of her talks. Let me point it out by the way, TEDx talks are the best. I first stumbled on to their youtube while looking for technology talks and I have never looked back. Their talks are informative, yet with a touch of very tasteful humor. They take on so many different issues and they are just top notch. So, here is what this search rendered to me.
Rene Brown is actually a researcher. She speaks from the perspective of a researcher who believes that if it cannot be measured, it does not exist. She talks about vulnerability as something she was trying to fight. I believe, when she was doing research for her book, she came to the realization that there were two kinds of people she met during her interviews: those who had a deep sense of worthiness, while there were others who were unhappy and always searching for purpose. On further research, she realized the people who had a deep sense of worthiness had one thing in common: they embraced vulnerability. They did not see it as comfortable or excruciating but saw it as necessary and beautiful. They believed their vulnerability made them beautiful.These people believed they deserved to be loved, they deserved connection and that’s what they got. They were not scared to be raw, they stood outside naked and bare and believed they could only get the best.
The rest however were terrified of vulnerability. They worried about betrayal, rejection and defeat. They were not kind to themselves and always had a deep sense that something was missing. They believed they were not enough and they were ashamed of this. They spent so much time trying to hide their flaws. They focused on the pain in their lives instead of the good. They were not willing to invest in something without the promise of reward.
See for connection to happen you have to be seen. Think about a phone or any other Bluetooth device. It always has the Bluetooth driver, yet it is not able to use this amazing technology until you turn it to discoverable. As it is with you, you have this amazing humanity and ability to connect with anyone you choose. You can however, only connect to others when you are discoverable. The thing with vulnerability is that it is necessary. You cannot love, if you do not let yourself be seen. You will never know true and genuine human rapport unless you strip bare. You cannot run away from vulnerability, you have to be it. If you are not, you will always be yearning. Looking for something that you can’t quite figure out.
This was an amazing introduction by Mrs brown and now I feel I am ready to dive into her amazing book and walk down this bumpy road with her holding my hand.