Some of us at one point in our lives, have mt people who have left jobs or relationships and cited the reason as being, “I am not fulfilled” , “I don’t feel like I am achieving my purpose”, “I feel so empty inside” , “I don’t feel like my dreams matter.” It is quite a frustrating position to be in but sadly, is a situation many of us quite frequently, find ourselves in.
If you are to asked,” What are your partner’s dreams? What are they passionate about?” “What makes him/her tick?” “What do they want to achieve in the next 5 years of their life?” Would you be able to answer confidently? Most importantly, would you be confident enough to say that you are actually supporting their dreams, passions, and goals? A lesson I am learning is that one of the best ways to show love and support is by knowing and supporting your significant other’s dreams:
Ask the relevant Questions and share your Opinion – Just get deep and probe to understand what they are obsessed about. What makes them tick? What would make them feel fulfilled if they achieved it? Is it a course they want to do? Why is it so important to them and when would they like too complete it? If it’s a career they want to get into or change, why is it that they want to get into that industry? Why are they so passionate about it? If it’s a business they want to start, have they done enough research on the market and why would they want to get into that kind of business? By asking such questions in the right way, it shows that you care about their dreams and that you are actually interested.
How can I help you achieve your goal? After understanding why and what your partner wants to achieve, it is important to know how you can support them. The best thing you can do is to assure them that you are there every step of the way and they can count on you. Do they need a second opinion? Are they stuck in a rut and they need advice? Do they need financial help?
Creating a conducive environment – Apart from being the best fan, you need to create a conducive environment to achieve these dreams in the best way possible. Sometimes they need time alone, sometimes they need a massage or a foot-rub, sometimes they just need someone to talk to and pour their frustrations. You may need to take care of the baby if mummy needs to study or attend to something.
Be ready to make a sacrifice – Sometimes achieving these dreams may mean a financial drain on you as a couple especially when a spouse wants to go to school. It may also mean that one or all of you need to move to a different city or even country. Sometimes you will even have to postpone some plans you had. How much are you willing to make this sacrifice? This is a very important factor when it comes to supporting your spouse.
If they are writing a book, you become an editor and read through the draft. If they are doing a school thesis, you help out in data collection and analysis. If it’s a new business, you help out with the financials and hiring. If they are into music or art, you are their biggest fan. Whatever it is, show the same enthusiasm and support as you would love to receive. Whatever your strengths are, this is the best time to complement and step in. Be the best cheer-leader. Keep reminding them,”You are the best love!”, “You have what it takes and I am here for you!”Sometimes even just saying, “I love you!” will mean a lot to him/her.
Years down the line, I am sure you will feel good and fulfilled if you hear your spouse acknowledging your support and saying, “It’s because of him/her that I am here today. If he did not give me the support I much needed then, I would not be here today!” And with that, don’t forget that your dreams and aspirations matter too, so discuss them with your spouse and achieve them as a team. To get a male perspective on this, please read Mitchell’s post HERE