Well, Well, Well. Where do we begin? I am not married and neither do I claim to be a marriage expert. However, I believe that we as humans often perish because of lack of knowledge. I believe this is no different when it comes to marriage so before you say “I Do”, what do you need to know about your partner?
PERSONALITY, VALUES AND PRINCIPLES? What does he/she stand for as a person? What are some of the things you can ‘vouch’ for him and say you are sure he will not do no matter the circumstances? Or what can he do no matter what?
What does he stand for when it comes to beliefs? Are these things you can live with or is there such a big contrast that it often leads to fights? This does not mean that people with different belief systems cannot live together in harmony, but you need to have agree to disagree on such issues and be at peace with it.
WHO ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN HIS/HER LIFE? It is important to know the people who mean a lot to him. Is it his mum, sister, best friend, brother etc These are the people whose advice he listens to, he values their time and would be there for them no matter the situation. It would mean a lot if you value these people and treated them with respect. After all, he had a life before he met you and the easier you create a rapport with these people the easier it is for you.
WHAT IS HIS/HER VIEW ABOUT MONEY AND FINANCES? Many a time you will hear spouses complain about their partners being stingy or a spendthrift (depending on the situation). It is important therefore to note some of these things as you get to know one other. This minimizes financial conflicts which have become one of the rising causes of divorce. The more open you are about this discussion the more you will deal with it far better in marriage.
HOW DOES HE/SHE BEHAVE WHEN ANGRY? Of late I have heard about sad cases in the news lately where a man cut off his wife’s arms, a woman castrated her husband, a man killed his wife and the list is endless. All this has been done in spur of anger. So Note. Does he kick things in the house when angry? Does he bang the phone in anger or even slap you? Understanding what makes him/her angry and how they respond, will help you know how to deal with the person.
Some of these things women complain about, i.e “He changed once we got married.” But as a friend of mine puts it, “There will always be the red flags, if you ignore the red flags, embrace the heartache to come.” To get a male perspective on this, please read Mitchell’s post HERE