On ‘SEPARATE LANGUAGES – His & Hers’ By Mercy Karumba

It is said that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. I guess that explains the varying communication styles despite all...


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It is said that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. I guess that explains the varying communication styles despite all of us being on Earth at the moment(lol). The question is, how do we merge the two separate languages and come up with an ‘earth’ language? 

Men speak with a clear purpose, while women speak to express feelings and emotions. Is this why a man can go for a long period without communicating to a friend but can then easily reach out when he needs help and it all will be fine? For women this rule does not apply simply because on Venus, the way to prove that we are still friends is through constant talking and keeping in touch (I think you agree). In a relationship, this creates a need for compromise; he somehow needs to learn to keep constant communication with her because to her, this expresses his love and she feels the intimacy.

Men are naturally active listeners, they listen ready to fix the problem. He is always asking himself, “What can I do to come through for her/How can I make things better for her?”. He will often feel frustrated if he is not in a position to help. However, since women are from a ‘different planet’ they are often actually not looking for for their man to provide a solution; they are simply interested in opening up to someone who loves her and feeling understood by him. You can imagine a situation where the man feels like a failure because he is thinking deeply about coming up with a solution. He is actually struggling to be patient, and the woman is feeling misunderstood because she didn’t need a solution in the first place.

Men are very straight forward when communicating with an opinion, while you need not just a 6th sense but a 10th sense especially when it comes to an argument. There are some deadly terms used by women examples of which, can be seen below:

It is said when she says “Oh, it’s nothing I am okay,” she is actually screaming, “I AM NOT OKAY!”

When she says, “Just do whatever you want,” she might actually mean,”I think you don’t care about my opinion.”

When she says, “I don’t care,” she definitely cares more than you think.

When she says,”Leave me alone,” please don’t leave, she actually wants you to help fix things.

Whereas most men mean it when they say they are fine or that he wants to be left alone, for a woman, especially when she is distressed, analyse her body language rather than what she says.

His language and her language are very different. A lot can be said about the differences and it varies from one relationship to the next. Don’t get annoyed; it is about finding a compromise and trying to learn his/her language.  To get a male perspective on this, you can read my colleague Mitch’s post HERE

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