‘DAUGHTER, WHEN YOU’RE GROWN’ By Danstan Wasobokha

Some women choose to follow men, while others choose to follow their dreams. If you are wondering which way to turn, remember that...


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Some women choose to follow men, while others choose to follow their dreams. If you are wondering which way to turn, remember that your career will never wake up one morning and tell you, it doesn’t love you anymore!

Your mum is a celestial being in a wrong planet. An angel is an understatement. So symmetrical and dainty with beautiful skin, dimpled cheeks and a shock of jet-black hair. Seeing her wave of curves seamlessly flow through her dress sweeps me off my feet and lands me right on her bumps. I thought I was too strong to be visually seduced until I found myself on the ground after knocking the wall while in a trance staring at your mum. Shift happens!

Without a shadow of doubt daughter, you have taken after every bit of her beauty and have taken it a notch higher. You are a hybrid of a phenomenal human being that I am and a heavenly body that she is.Your supple bronze-skinned face and your sylphlike form makes you look nothing less but a goddess of beauty. Honey, you are quite a sight. But always remember this princess, thinking you are too beautiful to be broke, is the biggest lie you can ever tell yourself.

Your beauty might help you push open doors. That beauty, whose current standards entail youth and symmetry, will give you an edge in life today. With regards to matters of the heart, being pretty might get you noticed first by prospective suitors. Being considered beautiful will get people to sit down & listen to you and may even get you an interview. If you are lucky, depending on which career path you choose, it might even get you hired. But beauty can only go so far. You might be given priority for your looks, but you will be fired equally fast if you do not have character, excellence and professionalism, required for the job. Good looks are simply not enough. Thinking that beauty is synonymous with success is delusional. 

To attain fulfilment in life; whether financial success or even success in relationships, you will need to put in the work. Just like believing that inner beauty is enough, thinking outer beauty is equal to success is an easy way out for women who do not want to make an effort to improve themselves; indolent women who believe that being easy on the eye is enough to make themselves successful, as such, they do not put in the work.

By putting in the work, I mean improving your scope of knowledge and skills, while making sure to remain physically presentable. I am talking about striving for a self-awareness, self-identity and more self-confidence. Being all rounded will not only open doors for you but will also ensure they remain open.

My princess, if you ever get tempted to think that beauty equals success not necessarily in the career world but in the form of a rich and a powerful husband, look around. Look at the wives of the rich and the most powerful in East Africa. A quick glance at Margaret Kenyatta, Janet Kagame and even Janet Museveni will show you that these women’s explicit focus isn’t on how they look. Other than a hint of lip gloss, they do not wear heavy make-up or expensive hairdos. What they do have however, is likeable personalities and overly impressive CVs.

From personal experience, I can confirm to you that the life choices of the rich and powerful are heavily influenced by the fact that they spend their days around people who are trying to put up appearances in a bid to impress them. Think about it, on that day that you have a meeting with your CEO  or you are going to make the (business) pitch of your life, you will put on your best dress, have your hair done and apply that tube of expensive lipstick that you only save to use on special occasions. Both you and the CEO or the business mogul you want to work with, know this. Naturally, when this man goes out looking for a life partner, he will be looking for something deeper than appearances. I love your mama for reasons far beyond physical looks and her impeccable sense of fashion.

Believing that beauty is enough is a damaging attitude for any woman to have, today. When a woman who feels she is entitled to a high-end life or the best man available but finds herself single or broke, then she feels conned. Much like a woman who settles for a man she deems unworthy of her feels when this man cheats or leaves her for another.

Sweetheart, while you are busy pinching your cheeks and lazing your eyes, remember that it is not permanent. Youthfulness and beauty is fleeting. Like smoke, it will soon disappear in the clouds.

Beauty standards are constantly changing. What society terms as a beautiful woman today will be seen as plain tomorrow. A decade ago, women were starving themselves to acquire thigh gaps, now women are eating chicken feed and getting silicone implants in their behinds because society has told them that curvy is more beautiful. What will you do when you find yourself on the other side of the standards? Are you willing to peg your success on something that is fleeting?

Sweetheart, beauty with brains is not a myth. A woman can be drop-dead gorgeous, quick-witted and highly skilled, look at your mum. One is not exclusive of the other, as we seem to believe. 

Honey, now that you are aware of the choices available to you, in case you feel that bagging a rich man and having that status rub off on you is the way to go, then go for it. But to keep this man’s attention, you will need to work on other parts of your life.

For your friend who believes that aesthetics really matter, tell her to remember that beauty today comes in tubes and bottles and can be bought from surgeons’ dens. Instead of spending all her resources today to look prettier, she should try improving herself in other areas too. This naturally, will come with financial rewards. Then, if it will still matter to her, with a few nips and tucks, she can afford to look however she wants.  I will forever be your greatest fan and candid friend.   To read more posts by Danstan, click HERE

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