‘EITHER ADD VALUE MY FRIEND, OR I’M OUT’ Female Perspective By Mercy Karumba

"An email notification comes through, Oh no! Not Catherine again! She is visiting town and is looking to stay with Janet during this...


Black girl drinking champagne
736 0
736 0

“An email notification comes through, Oh no! Not Catherine again! She is visiting town and is looking to stay with Janet during this period.

While Janet is very accommodating and loves visitors, Catherine has expensive taste and Janet’s previous experience of hosting her and paying for her costs are still embeded in her memory. Catherine has a good job yes, but spends so much on holidays and leads such an expensive lifestyle, it’s as if she is on a mission to Spend, Spend, Spend! Janet on the other hand, is the opposite. She was brought up to cater for herself or repay help given or shown to her.

Since Catherine was an old friend, Janet was in two minds: should she extend an invitation to Catherine and host her one more time (including covering her costs) or, should she simply ignore the email? Janet’s husband on the other hand, could not see why  this was such a problem to his wife. He could see that Catherine was not adding any value to Janet’s life so why this unnecessary stress? He would be happy to speak direct to Catherine and give her a piece of his mind but his wife was reluctant to hurt Catherine’s feelings. 

                    **************************************

As ladies, how different do we handle such dilemmas from men? A man will find it pretty easy to put his point across and feel no emotion about his decision. Someone is not adding value to his life so why fret? Simply delete. If only it were this easy for women. As emotional beings, we do not always express our true feelings. We hold on to ‘friendships’ despite there not being any value added. A man will easily put away that which is not impactful and move on as if nothing happened. Their rational thinking just amazes me. What matters most to a man is that, which adds value to him socially, financially, spiritually or that which has an impact on his family. If you are not in this category, then he cares less about you or  how you feel. He will easily make it clear that ‘Either add Value or I’m Out!”  To get a male perspective on this, please read my colleague Mitch’s posts HERE

In this article

Join the Conversation

2 + 14 =