One thing I have found puzzling time and time again, is when adults look to others or indeed, expect others to help them fill this void called: Self Confidence. Many adults do not see it as their own responsibility to build their own self confidence. Why? To hand over this responsibility to another is dangerous.
When you look to another person for approval then you are not taking charge or responsibility for your own life and/or destiny. When you are over 18 but still look to someone else to give you self confidence, then this is a dangerous path to tread – for that same person could easily swipe away this confidence from right under your feet. You are also relying on someone else as a crutch and the minute they are out of your life, you fall down. This is why people end up in bad friendships or relationships; because they rely on this other person to give them their confidence. They have not built strength within themselves.
Self Confidence in a person is a very attractive trait and the opposite is often true in adults if they do not see it as their responsibility to build their own self confidence. We may have friends who constantly wish they were confident like person A, B or C and yet, do nothing to build their own confidence. They do not want to get out of their comfort zone but seem to except “self-confidence” to appear out of magic. They think that hanging out with certain friends will give them a short cut to confidence. However, the opposite is often true since you end up being nothing but a follower even when things being done are wrong.
Working with candidates and preparing them for interview, I have noticed that time and time again, the best performing candidates display self confidence that just blows you away. These are often not people with MBAs from Harvard or, rich backgrounds but they often have one thing in common; they have overcome failure, have survived, grown a tough skin and now believe it is their time for success.
Overcoming & surviving failure is not just simply quoting this motivational speaker or that successful person. This is artificial and you are kidding only yourself if you think the world buys your confidence transplant. Instead, work on yourself. Take responsibility for your destiny and start to believe you deserve the best. Why? Because when you have self confidence, you have confidence in SELF. This means that even when you are going through a rough patch or, are facing criticism, you do not look to others to build you up; you look to yourself first with your network being there to support your efforts.
So, expecting your mom or dad to arrange interviews for you (yes there are people who still expect this), because you fear rejection is absolving your responsibility because mom or dad, will not sit the interview for you. You need to build yourself because in the world of work, you need to develop a thick skin. Rejection happens but the world moves on.
There is not short cut to SELF confidence. Just lots of hard work and as you overcome failure, this in itself, will be the start of the foundation called CONFIDENCE powered by SELF! To read more articles by Miriam Mukasa click HERE