On ‘ASKING FOR WHAT YOU WANT’ By Gertrude Nyatichi

“Just ask, Swiry, all you need to do is ask.” The old lady informed the young girl who looked to be in her...


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“Just ask, Swiry, all you need to do is ask.” The old lady informed the young girl who looked to be in her early twenties and very troubled.

While it’s true, there is no excuse for listening in to other people’s conversations, given that statement, I paused to listen further.

“But how can I do that? He is going to think I am being too pushy. He will leave, mom. I love him and I cannot afford to lose him.” She said amid tears. With a comforting touch, her mother replied, “I know the feeling. I have been there darling. In this situation though, you need to use your mind a little bit more than your heart. You know, whenever I need to know something from your dad, I ask. I used to think assuming was OK but I never got anywhere and this would eat me up. I would get upset but still the answers never came. Later on, I was taught the importance of asking. If I don’t understand, I ask. If I need to know why he is doing something, I ask him. Any choice he makes without involving me which I feel are not OK, I ask. So my dear, you  need to love yourself more. Tears are not the answer. Stop hurting yourself and just ask him.”

Aargh! Leaves never fail to distract a juicy conversation. Anyway, much was left for my thoughts. Many a time, we beat ourselves with what we do not understand. Even when we know that things do not add up, we still choose not to ask. What we do instead is whine and the people we do it to, barely know how to advise us. They will probably console us by taking our side but for how long? Will this satisfy the need to know that engulfs us?

We are fond of conclusions based on our thoughts. Thoughts are influenced by what we see and hear and in negative scenarios, we see and hear what we want to hear. If or when we are disappointed, we need to learn to speak up. When we want something, we need to ask for it. A reasonably minded person will definitely listen to you and respond. When the response is not as expected, then at least this will be accompanied by an explanation and in turn, you will know where you stand. If you are not satisfied with something and you would like to know more, ask. Why over think and hurt thy self when all one need do is ask?

Whether it is in the office, if you don’t get it, ask. In relationships, if something is not adding up, just ask. Most of us are failing in our jobs, friendships, relationships and marriages because we know very little about those we are involved with. We fear asking because of the thought that we will disappoint them and they will leave. In so doing, we forget about ourselves thus we end up disappointed and hurt. But is it worth it? If asking is going to make them leave, then they were going to leave sooner or later.

All we need is clarity and this is best obtained by seeking it. Just ask!! To read more posts by Gertrude, click HERE

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