On ‘Changing’ By Angela Mugo

A few days ago, I got a call from an old friend. Let me put this into perspective. This girl and I were inseparable...


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A few days ago, I got a call from an old friend. Let me put this into perspective. This girl and I were inseparable a few years back. The proverbial yin and yang. We spent our afternoons in high school giggling, talking about our lives and all those things teenage girls do with their best friends. Me and this girl were so close that I even introduced her to my family. After high school, she moved away while I went to college, in the city where we went to high school.

Initially we kept in touch. We were on the phone more than twice a week excitedly chatting about the exciting turn our lives were taking. This girl was my own little ball of sunshine. I looked forward to speaking with her since she had this positive outlook on life. At the time, she was my boulder to lean on. When something hurt or threatened to shake me, I leaned against this very firm boulder. Often, when I thought about what my life would be without her, I temporarily went into a sort of mini depression.

Life however happened. We all got swallowed up in the various engagements of student life. I met many more people who filled the spaces she had left behind. She also did the same. Over time, the bi-weekly calls became weekly, then quickly metastasized in to monthly calls. We still had this rock solid relationship. However, the words became fewer and the awkward pauses became longer. At the time I didn’t think much about it; I just thought it was natural. Ever heard the story about the toad in water that is gradually heated but does not realize it is actually boiling?Well, that was me and this girl. Over time, when things happened, I did not feel the urge to pick up my phone and tell her about it. I preferred instead,  to speak with someone who was around or probably knew the people it involved. Over time, my worst nightmare was being realized, I was losing one of the people I valued most. However, it did not feel like a nightmare, it felt okay. It felt like part of life.

So when this friend called me up, I was excited. I went to see her hoping to relive our good old days. When we sat down to talk, I felt it immediately. This giant fog of space, there was no longer that connection. The odd thing was, physically we are the same people however, we had both changed very much. We had evolved and grown so much that the very foundation our friendship was built on, no longer existed. She was still the same amazing person I knew before, however, there was no going back; we had all changed. I sat there thinking about change and how much we resist it. Every single time, we become comfortable in a certain space and dread it ever changing. We are scared of the unknown, while we cling to the same old. The thing is, if you are growing your needs change. The conversations you used to live for, now seem meaningless and stretched out. That apartment you loved is now too noisy. The friends you loved now seem a bit too obnoxious. The clothes you used to step out in, are now a bit too loose since you started working out.

Growth is a positive thing. We have to embrace change and love it. We have to look forward to it. If we resist change, we will get worn out. We will be stuck in relationships we detest, jobs we cannot deliver on, clothes we are bursting out of, and long stretched out conversations that we hate. To read more posts by Angela, click HERE

 

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